


The Tales of Pete Wentz's Dick Problems

by Mychemicalships



Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: Crack, Gayness, M/M, so much crack its not even funny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-18
Updated: 2015-02-18
Packaged: 2018-03-13 16:13:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3388109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mychemicalships/pseuds/Mychemicalships
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pete Wentz, convinced he has the largest dick in the world, suffers encounters with his band members who sabotage his large dick dreams. But, like many stories, there's a happy ending (in more way than one).</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Tales of Pete Wentz's Dick Problems

**Author's Note:**

> we use the word buttsex more times than you can count

There once was a man who had a very long penis. Although his penis was unusually long, none of the girls would believe him. For this very reason, said man turned into a flamboyant homosexual. But even then, there were few who believed in the legend of his penis.

He tried and tried, but none of the other men at the gay bar would give him a chance to prove the legends were right. Finally, one day, in a drunken rage, he decided to prove to everyone that the legend of his penis was, in fact, a reality. Then, he took four beautiful pictures of said penis and the world was going rampant over Pete Wentz’s dick pics. 

There was one man who was the most excited about the pictures being spread throughout the world. His name was Patrick Stump; he may not have been as flamboyant as Pete, but he was always able to put up with the man’s extreme amounts of sexy. As he was forced to put up with this flamboyant man’s sexiness, he started to realize something. His dick wasn’t that big. 

He grinned evilly as the thought of humiliating his master crossed his mind. He would definitely be punished for his actions, but he still decided to tweet: “Pete Wentz’s dick isn’t as big as you think”. All of the Fall Out Boy fans went into a rage, threatening to burn down the Wentz Mansion if the truth was not revealed. Patrick was aggravated that no one would understand that the truth was right in front of them, right there in the penis pictures. 

He was torn between his two choices, should he punish his slave or go out into the world and expose his almighty penis? OR SHOULD HE DO BOTH AT THE SAME TIME? MWAHAHAHAHAHA. HE QUICKLY GRABBED THE NEAREST CAMERA AND POSTED /SIX/ DICK PICS! To prove that his penis was indeed, the size of your moms left nostril hair, he forced Patrick to post his as well, comparing the two for all to see. Pete, as blind as a person without eyes, was still convinced that his was larger, though Patrick had beat him by 4.5 inches. 

As all his fans laughed at him, Patrick took advantage of this, and formed a plan to get back at his master. The answer was simple: we eat the Pete Wentz. He called upon his friend Joe to help him gather supplies for the large fire. Since both men were wimps, they had Andy Hurley do the heavy lifting; then, it was all in place.

They lured Pete outside with the promise of a larger penis. The bait had failed at first, since Pete was convinced that a larger penis wasn’t even possible, but they had managed to convince him. They brought him into the woods, where the “penis enlarging” plants were located. With Joe showing Pete said plant and distracting him, Patrick attacked. He jumped on his back, surprise piggie back ride style, and casually stabbed his gut with the sharpest dildo he had. 

Patrick moaned at the feeling of a dildo inside him, but he soon realised that he was bleeding to death. Quickly realizing what he had to do, he jumped off of Patrick and began humping the air, Patrick was so turned on by Pete’s humping that he completely forgot about his stab wound and began humping Pete while Pete was humping the air. 

Joe and Andy ran away from the scene, attempting to hide the boners poking through their pants from each other. They realized that the action was a mistake, and that buttsex was the only answer. Joe jumped Andy, proceeding to warm his shivering body with surprise buttsex. Andy and Joe proceeded to cum rainbows and glitter all over the humping fest that Pete and Patrick were having. 

But this glitter cum was not just any glitter cum. It was acid glitter cum. Screaming out in pain, Pete and Patrick ran humped away, looking for a better place for buttsex. They came across an abandoned children’s park and continued humping, though they didn’t manage to lose Andy or Joe. Pete came upon an idea, and power humped Patrick up to the top of the slide. He tried to power hump Patrick down the slide, too, but Patrick fought back and humped Pete into submission. 

Pete groaned in frustration as he realized his master had power over him once again. Patrick laughed maniacally and threw a ball of power at Pete that made him cower under the slide. Andy and Joe decided to help their submissive friend, and started circling Patrick while chanting indian rituals. Patrick writhed in pain as satan entered his body through surprise buttsex. 

”SATAN IS UPON US” they all screamed and cowered inside the jungle gym. They didn’t fool Satan, though, and he sprouted three more stretchy dicks that followed them around and penetrated their anuses. Although it twas odd, they were all secretly turned on by this. The playground was full of four groaning men and Satan, and no one had any regrets. As they withered around on the ground, the children came back from lunch and stared in horror. 

Mothers pulled their horrified children away and shunned the four gay men and their buttsex. They few fathers that accompanied their wives, oddly turned on by this, formed a circle around the four and started twerking in unison. This was the largest mass twerking session ever caught on tape, later to be released as a gay porno. 

This gay porno became such a popular discovery, that the entirety of Fall Out Boy became Pull Out Boys. They filmed foursome porn on a regular basis, inspiring fans to do so themselves. Soon all of the Pull Out Boys fandom was making its own porn, although nothing was to be compared to their own. But, as all good things must come to an end, the four men had all came so hard they died. As ghosts, they floated throughout the Wentz Mansion and that poor playground, moaning for all of eternity.

**Author's Note:**

> a friend and i wrote this. you're welcome world.


End file.
